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'Ideas are like rabbits. You get a couple
and learn how to handle them,
and pretty soon you have a dozen.'

- Steinbeck

penny

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[baggler] baggler n.

1. a French fry that has fallen out of its container and into the bottom of the bag

I treated myself to a double Whopper with cheese on Valentine's Day. While I'm ashamed to admit I was amused by it when I found this printed on my bag, I don't think the English language needs corporate sponsorship. Putting this in my bastardization list is a testament my own personal Jihad vs. McWorld.


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blog n.

1. a shared online journal where people can post diary entries about their personal experiences and hobbies
2. a contraction of the phrase 'Web log'

If I didn't know the etymology of this word, I would have guessed it was onomatopoeia. Most blogs are like reverse peristalsis all over the Web. Instead of a stream of consciousness, they're a lot more like diarrhea of consciousness. I imagine blog as being exactly the sound they make. Oh, and here's mine.


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definately adv.

1. misspelling of the word definitely

I wouldn't be too surprised to see this in the dictionary sometime soon. Definitely is probably one of the most misspelled words on the Internet; this variation weighs in at over 2.7 million hits at last check. Amusingly, Dictionary.com gets the second link on Google, with a cached page explaining how there is no entry found for the word. This one is really not that hard to get right, folks. How do you pronounce it? Def-ih-nate-lee or def-ih-nit-lee? Fingers just too lazy to get the "i" key, when the "a" is right there on the home row? Yes, if you were wondering, I really am the Hitler of spelling's Third Reich.


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dentata n.

1. the second cervical vertebra or axis, so called from its toothlike process
2. a device inserted into the vagina consisting of needles, razors, or teeth

It's never good when the first hit for a Google search is Rotten.com. Although the idea of vagina dentata is distinctly Freudian, Neal Stephenson also gave his main female protagonist this device in Snow Crash (substituting a tranquilizer-filled hypodermic for the needle). I don't so much think this word is a bastardization of the language; it's simply horrifying to realize that the progress of humanity has given us the need to have a name for such a concept. Was there ever a caveman who worried about teeth inside the vagina when there were so many to be worried about outside of it?


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irregardless adv.

1. pretentiously formal-sounding marriage of irrespective and regardless

This is not a word, irrespective of its apparent validity. This will never be a word, regardless of the fact that it has nearly 170,000 hits on Google. The majority of the most relevant hits are in fact diatribes about the non-wordness of this word. This is not a word. Don't use it. In fact, make up three sentences right now using two actual words: regardless and irrespective. This will help you train your brain to recognize the real words, regardless of how many times you may have seen the non-word. It is not a word.


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ur adj. or n. + vi.

1. an elided homophone of your and you're which is intended to act as a substitute for either word

I don't have a problem with abbreviations in general. In fact, I would normally think this one is pretty clever when it stands for "you are" the way "u2" could stand for "you, too". Unfortunately, the vast majority of times when I see it used it's by people who don't know how to differentiate between your and you're in the first place. In those cases it's also entrenched in an abyss of other misspellings. Oh yes, there is a special place in my gall bladder for you, ur.


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verbing v.

1. intentional use of a noun, adjective, or other part of speech as a verb

Credit goes to Bill Watterson for diagnosing (through Calvin) this modern language plague. Though occasionally English is only a carrier (e.g. the zero derivation Google), it is most often infected and may one day die of the verbing virus. For the record, I don't think the word itself is bad; in fact it's almost as cleverly self-referential as neologophile. This is simply a placeholder to account for all other strains of the disease.

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